The Art of Being
by Deborah Chandler, Ph.D.
I’ve noticed that my mind dwells on the negative. I could explain this as being prepared, being alert to contingencies. Perhaps this alertness is actually an affirmation of my earth-bound solidity. I am affirming myself as mass. What I desire is to be free and to soar in the lightness of creativity and joy.
As I drift into meditation, I go through a list of problems that draw my attention away from the inner realms of light. I sort through my options and only reluctantly put these pressing demands aside to attend to my inner sphere. I take security knowing that I have neatly dispatched my worldly concerns. But what if I took security and confidence from my inner realm?
Hyper-alertness is actually a reaction to trauma. I’ve had enough of these small traumatic pains to become a vigilant person. I scan for problems. This adaptive response rewards me with keeping my earth-bound obligations neatly managed.
But, I profess a desire to soar among the poets and lovers. Yet, my identity with negativity keeps me earth bound. I’ve underestimated the profound differences between living in the negative and flying in the affirmative.
I’ve been cultivating a relationship with my inner realm for many years. What would change if I were to make my affirmation of the inner realm my first principal, not an after-thought? This feels risky and delicious.
In the inner realm I have the potential to affirm my self as a participant in the pulsation of being, throbbing through what seems so concrete. At every level I exist as an energetic field of fluctuating energy. The energy I experience as me is not different from the energy in everything I think of as other.
This otherness is my construction, a way to identify my individuality. If I dissolve this artificial boundary, I fold into the inner realm of light and peacefulness. I’ve learned that I come from and participate in a unified ground of being. Everything is of the same stuff. I can observe my self as a participant in this cosmos of cohesive existence. My breath is the same pulsation of being, present in everything.
Why be anxious about my being? If everything is my self, what is there to fear? Dare I relinquish my identity as the problem solver, always preparing for the worst?
Tonight when I turn out the light, I will surrender to the inner realm and drift to heaven into the glow of being.